Scanxiety

Scanxiety. No, I did not just make that word up. It is a very real part of a cancer survivor’s life. For many, it happens every three to six months, just before the MRI or CT scan that determines whether your next three to six months are going to suck or not. And then you get to do it all over again three to six months later. For some, scanxiety is like PTSD, it leads to physical symptoms, depression or anger. For Erica, it is a quiet, “I’m scared. Talk to me.”

So, we did a lot of talking last night as we mentally and spiritually prepared for her brain MRI today. I’ll admit, after the roller-coaster of the last six months, I had concerns of my own. What results would we get? What new news would disrupt the progress that we’ve worked so hard for? We are just getting used to this new normal, what changes will we need to make now?

The results of her MRI came around 2 p.m. today with great relief when the doctor said that everything we are doing is working just as it is expected. The most concerning areas of lesions and edema (swelling) show “considerable decrease since the prior exam.”

There are still a lot more considerations that Erica’s team of doctors still need to discuss. And there are still many of her symptoms that don’t exactly align to one cause. So the battle is far from over and we don’t have all the answers. But we do have good news today. Answers to prayers and a refreshed joy.

I am writing this blog from my back deck as Erica sings out loud, in her slurred speech, struggling to keep up with the lyrics to John Mayer’s, The Age of Worry – “Rage in the age of worry, Sing out in the age of worry, And say worry, why should I care?”

When I asked Erica if she thought she would sleep well without anxiety tonight, she quickly replied, “Well, I’m just happy to not Rest In Peace.” 🙂