Peanut Butter Explosion

Peanut Butter Explosion: a flavor at your favorite ice cream shop? Or what happens when you try blending a smoothie as you are rushing out the door. For me, it was the latter.

It has been a month since I’ve written a blog entry. I feel like there is a lot of catching up to do. But then again, maybe not. This blog started as a way to update friends and family on Erica’s condition. Changes were frequent and significant. Lately, we’ve been managing a steady state; no hearing loss, no broken bones, just a bit of digestive system management. To spare you the discomfort and save Erica’s dignity, I’ve held off on posting those details. So, not much to report. But that’s where this story begins.

For the past few treatment cycles (i.e., infusions of Enhertu and Avastin every three weeks), Erica has struggled with inconsistent digestive patterns. This has lead to appetite changes and a constant battle with finding food that Erica will tolerate that also provides nutrition. Chocolate Ensure has become the go-to. (Side note: Ensure could use a fresh branding campaign, because that stuff is not just for old people. It’s actually pretty good).

With the Ensure supply running low and no other solid meal seeming to spark interest, Erica’s mom remembered that Erica used to love a chocolate peanut butter banana smoothie that we would make. Erica agreed to give it a try. Great, we have a winner! Unfortunately, Erica likes the way I make them and I was on my way out the door. So, I quickly grabbed the blender, bananas (hint: frozen bananas are the secret to perfectly thick, cold smoothies without the drink getting too icy. Peel, half and freeze bananas that get a too ripe so that you always have a stash on hand), chocolate protein powder, milk, ice, and a heaping spoonful of peanut butter. Throw it in the blender. Do not scrape the sides of the blender with a rubber spatula while the blades are running… unless you are going for a Peanut Butter Explosion.

The sound of grinding blades was awful, the cold liquid blasting my face, I smacked the off switch and stood silently, stunned. Thick, cold substance oozing down my face, drips from above steadily dropping on my head. The smell of peanut butter was rich in the air, and on the cabinets, ceiling, counter and floor. As my anger started to rise, I heard a beautiful, familiar sound. Erica’s laugh.

From two rooms away, Erica had a line of sight to where I was standing. She was in a room with her mother and our neighbor Terra who could not see me and were just chatting away. As my eyes met Erica’s, I caught the vision of what she must be seeing — her man soaked and dripping in liquid chocolate peanut butter. Her infectious joy washed over me as I too started laughing.

Shout out to Loretta and Terra, for quickly jumping in to help (which they so often do). I resisted for a moment, feeling that it was my mistake, my mess, my responsibility to clean up. But help is a blessing and I’ve learned to receive it. Yay!